so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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