Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
