how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize