i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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