I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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