Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
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Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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