I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize