Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
