who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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