There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize