I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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