I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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