I want to have your abortion
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize