u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize