oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
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He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
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Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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