Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
