Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
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