Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
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I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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