ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
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You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
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rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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