I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
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Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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