did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize