I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
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deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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