my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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