I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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