I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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