He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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