he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
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There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
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I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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