No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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