WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
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I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
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If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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