he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize