overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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