summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
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