"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize