how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
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Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
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i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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