I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
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you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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