i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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