No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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