Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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