hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
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Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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