i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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