i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I want to fling myself into the sun
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