Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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