I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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