Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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