Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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