I showed him my bush... on skype.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
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You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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