I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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