He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
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So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
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I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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