hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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