it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
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I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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