just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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